jadi perempuan tuh susah ya?

so many rules, so many “Jangan kaya gitu dong! Kamu cewe bukan sih??”

apalagi jaman-jaman post collonial baheula

ah jangankan jaman dulu, sekarang aja dengan segala kebebasan dan embel-embel emansipasi di segala hal masih aja ada hal-hal tabu dan dianggap ga pantes untuk dilakukan seorang perempuan

but, anyhow, justru semua itu yang jadi pembeda antara laki-laki dan perempuan and at many times it could be pleasant and beautiful dan membuktikan bahwa jadi perempuan itu menyenangkan dan indah novi

pernah, suatu ketika teman saya, laki-laki, memprotes kenapa perempuan juga ga emansipasi dalam hal bayarin makan kalo nge-date, bias nih persamaan haknya, gitu katanya

Halloooooow?

 

itu mah bukan minta persamaan hak, tapi punten ngamodal atuh pami ngedate mah

hehe

tuh kan? senangnya ada satu aturan yang masih belum rubah dari dulu sampai sekarang

:p

 

menurut Ceu Jamaica Kincaid, jaman dulu ternyata buat jadi perempuan seutuhnya tuh perlu perjuangan keras, terlihat dari karyanya yang berjudul GIRL ini,

Wash the white clothes on Monday and put them on the stone heap; wash the color clothes on Tuesday and put them on the clothesline to dry; don’t walk barehead in the hot sun; cook pumpkin fritters in very hot sweet oil; soak your little cloths right after you take them off; when buying cotton to make yourself a nice blouse, be sure that it doesn’t have gum on it, because that way it won’t hold up well after a wash; soak salt fish overnight before you cook it; is it true that you sing benna in Sunday school?; always eat your food in such a way that it won’t turn someone else’s stomach; on Sundays try to walk like a lady and not like the slut you are so bent on becoming; don’t sing benna in Sunday school; you mustn’t speak to wharbfflies will follow you; but I don’t sing benna on Sundays at all and never in Sunday school; this is how to sew on a button; this is how to make a button-hole for the button you have just sewed on; this is how to hem a dress when you see the hem coming down and so to prevent yourself from looking like the slut I know you are so bent on becoming; this is how you iron your father’s khaki shirt so that it doesn’t have a crease; this is how you iron your father’s khaki pants so that they don’t have a crease; this is how you grow okra far from the house, because okra tree harbors red ants; when you are growing dasheen, make sure it gets plenty of water or else it makes your throat itch when you are eating it; this is how you sweep a corner; this is how you sweep a whole house; this is how you sweep a yard; this is how you smile to someone you don’t like too much; this is how you smile to someone you don’t like at all; this is how you smile to someone you like completely; this is how you set a table for tea; this is how you set a table for dinner; this is how you set a table for dinner with an important guest; this is how you set a table for lunch; this is how you set a table for breakfast; this is how to behave in the presence of men who don’t know you very well, and this way they won’t recognize immediately the slut I have warned you against becoming; be sure to wash every day, even if it is with your own spit; don’t squat down to play marbles you are not a boy, you know; don’t pick people’s flowers you might catch something; don’t throw stones at blackbirds, because it might not be a blackbird at all; this is how to make a bread pudding; this is how to make doukona; this is how to make pepper pot; this is how to make a good medicine for a cold; this is how to make a good medicine to throw away a child before it even becomes a child; this is how to catch a fish; this is how to throw back a fish you don’t like, and that way something bad won’t fall on you; this is how to bully a man; this is how a man bullies you; this is how to love a man; and if this doesn’t work there are other ways, and if they don’t work don’t feel too bad about giving up; this is how to spit up in the air if you feel like it, and this is how to move quick so that it doesn’t fall on you; this is how to make ends meet; always squeeze bread to make sure it’s fresh; but what if the baker won’t let me feel the bread?; you mean to say that after all you are really going to be the kind of woman who the baker won’t let near the bread?

haaa… ini foto-foto pas kita udah keluar dari kolam renang

masih menderita gejala-gejala kebanyakan kelelep,

ini foto-foto yang saya temukan kemaren, udah agak lama sih

acaranya waktu renang bareng temen-temen di kolam renang seseorang

fotonya ada beberapa buah, saat melihat foto-foto tersebut saya jadi mikir , waktu itu kita ngapain sih? ini apa? maksudnya apa sih?

Noh, cewe yang pake jaket abu, lari ninggalin kamera yang dia pegang dan gamau ketinggalan narsis, Ntri..Ntri… dikau memang narsis

MAIN BENTENG-BENTENGAN DI BAWAH FLY OVER

Hari minggu, tanggal 27 Juli 2008 kemaren acara kopdar Batagor jilid enam, Bebersih Bandung dilaksanakan di tempat yang luar biasa, kenapa luar biasa?

Yaa.. soalnya jarang (atau ga ada malah) yang bikin acara kopdar di bawah jalan layang alias fly over

Heheuu

Tapi gapapa, karena seperti biasa acara kopdar Batagor selalu rame, banyak dorprize, makanan dan kaos gratis

Acaranya sendiri dimulai dengan kumpul di taman Cikapayang yang depan Gereja itu loh. Dari jam delapan pagi para blogger sudah mulai berdatangan.

Pas saya dateng, tampak beberapa blogger yang lagi mandi matahari pagi

Sehat…sehat…

Ini foto saya lagi nanya Circle K terdekat, tampak dari kiri-kanan ada Ichanx, Senny, Petra, Wijooyoo, dan saya

Setelah acara rutin absen pagi, baris-baris dikit, pengarahan (dari Bagus Rully), bagi-bagi kresek+sarung tangan, dan bagi-bagi kelompok kita mulai mungutin sampah deh

Eh, engga engga

Bukan blogger Bandung namanya kalo engga difoto dulu sebelum melakukan sesuatu

Hehhe

Jadilah kita foto dibawah spanduk Bandung Go Green

Setelah satu putaran ngelilingin rute aduh apa ya namanya jalan itu teh? Yaahh.. pokoknya (nyaris) ngelewatin ITB deh, kita balik lagi ke taman Cikapayang dengan sekeresek penuh sampah,

Ini foto sebagian blooger yang dengan alat perang dan hasil jarahan masing-masing, kresek penuh sampah (dan potongan mayat?) dan sarung tangan karet

Gila banyak banget..hehe… secara kelompok saya adalah kelompok pertama yang jalan, sampahnya juga dapet banyak dan masih pada segaarrr

Karena rada ga mungkin kalo kita ngumpul di taman Cikapayang yang udah mulai panas, kita cari tempat yang rada adem, which is di kolong fly over.

Mesti nyebrang nih, nyebrang tiga kali pula

Eh, baru juga nyebrang sekali, foto-foto dulu lagi

Pas lagi anteng berpose dua tambah lima dan lima tambah dua, ada bule-bule yang nangkring, entah siapa yang mulai, kita tiba-tiba menyerbu bule-bule yang sama sekali ga nyangka bakal dikerubutin sepasukan blogger yang lagi lucu-lucunya

Foto-foto laagi dah…..

Acara dilanjutkan dengan bagi-bagi voucher Flexi, trus main benteng-bentengan

Serasa balik lagi jadi anak-anak, main benteng-bentengan di bawah fly over

Ichanx larinya kenceng banget ih? Saya mau nangkep susah banget, heheu.. beurat ku imbit

Seru bangeeet, meskipun sempat jadi salah satu dari dua pejuang terakhir di kelompok saya (dan akhirnya kalah)

Tapi gapapa

Habis ituuu??

Lagi-lagi bagi-bagi hadiah, dan salah satu ipod, yang mana saya kalah

Trus makan siang, bagi-bagi ipod lagi (dan kalah lagi)

Tamat deh,

Eh tapi yang laennya sih masih lanjut karawkean sama nonton ya?

Tapi ga ikut aaah… capeeeehh, kaki lecet

Dan bisa-bisa dibunuh ni kalo ga cepet-cepet pulang

Kopdar berikutnya Agustus ya? Jadi ga sabar pingin cepet-cepet kopdar lagi

Dan seru-seruan lagi

Dann deg-degan lagi pas ipod diundi? Hee

hoia, link ke Aki Herry niii….

Ini nih, puisi wajib buat para wanita di luaran sana, menurut Maya Angelou

Every Woman

Maya Angelou

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

 

Enough money within her control to move

out and rent a place of her own,even if

she never wants to or needs to…

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

something perfect to wear if the

employer,or date of her dreams wants to

see her in an hour…

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a youth she’s content to leave behind….

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a past juicy enough that she’s looking

forward to retelling it in her old age…

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill,

and a black lace bra…

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …

one friend who always makes her laugh…

and one who lets her cry…

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a good piece of furniture not previously

owned by anyone else in her family…

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

eight matching plates, wine glasses with

stems,and a recipe for a meal,that will

make her guests feel honored…

 

 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a feeling of control over her destiny…

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to fall in love without losing herself..

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to quit a job,break up with a lover,

and confront a friend without ruining

the friendship…

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK

AWAY…

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that she can’t change the length of her

calves, the width of her hips, or the

nature of her parents..

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that her childhood may not have been

perfect…but it’s over…

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she would and wouldn’t do for love

or more…

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to live alone… even if she doesn’t

like it…

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and

why she shouldn’t take it personally…

 

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

where to go…be it to her bestfriend’s

kitchen table…or a charming inn in the

woods…when her soul needs

soothing…

 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she can and can’t accomplish in a

day…a month…and a year…

 

(Maya Angelou’s Best Poem)

Menurut Elizabeth Kubler Ross, ada beberapa tahap yang dilalui seseorang ketika ia sedang bersedih. Menurur beliau, kesedihan adalah suatu proses reaksi fisikal, emosional, sosial dan kognitif terhadap kehilangan sesuatu. Proses bersedih atau berdukacita adalah suatu proses yang sulit dilalui. Penelitian menunjukkan bahwa orang melalui beberapa tahapan dalam berduka cita. Meskipun respon terhadap situasi yang menyedihkan sangat bervariasi, namun biasanya ada pola yang muncul.

I, who feels really sad recently (eh, masih sedih ding pas nulis postingan ini juga) mencoba untuk menelisik tahap-tahap apa saja yang kira-kira sudah, sedang dan akan saya alami

Hoia, the thing that makes me want to cry out loud adalah keluarnya beberapa teman sekerja, dan damn, lebih dari sekedar beberapa
Sekitaran 6-8 orang lah
For one reason and another
Duh, sediiiihh banget, sampe nangis-nangis, kaya anak kecil. Ya, ia lah, udah berasa keluarga banget, tiba-tiba pada pergi
Kalo dirumuskan kira-kira ada empat nih, si tahap-tahap berduka-cita ini:

Shock/Denial:
A feeling of numbness can last hours to weeks. It is a period often described as “unreal”, (i.e. being amazed to have made it through a euthanasia). Some reactions people experince during this stage are: having disorganized thoughts, feeling unaffected, thinking about suicide, feeling numb, being euphoric or hysterical, feeling outside their body, or being talkative, hyper or passive. Other people will feel in denial of the loss. (i.e. “I can’t believe he is really gone…it just doesn’t seem real.)
Awalnya, pas tau temen-temen pada pindah, I feel numb. Hah? BuYayat keluar? Pak Erwan juga? Bu Allia juga? Pak Ayi juga? Bu Rosa juga? Bu Wida? Pak Luthfi?

Bu Isna JUGAAA ??

…

Bengong,
“Ah, masa sih mau pada pindah? Mau pada kemanaa iiihh? Tega gitu ninggalin kita-kita disini? Ntar siapa yang bakal aku siksa pas sesi Intensive English for Teachers doooooong?????”

Ngelamun,
“Bu Nov? Bu Nov? itu makanannya kunyah dulu…”

Ga ngeh pas diajak ngobrol
“Bener nih, gamau dibeliin laptop?”
“bkljhgfdrybjkmzszssf…”

Ga ngeh pas gulalinya diembat Ntri (who is a truly fan of gulali)
“Ini, buat Ntri aja ya?…”

Pas mau sholat sampe lupa kiblat sebelah mana
“Bun (ini nama panggilan Wanoja di sekolah), punten, ari kiblat teh palih mana nya?

Peluk-pelukan
“Maafin yaa, kalo-kalo selama ini saya banyak salah…”
“Makasi ya, buat semuanya, makasi udah bantuin saya selama ini…”
“Doain yaaa..moga-moga abis ini semua lancar…”
“ARRRGGGHHHHHHH…!”

Nangis-nangis ronde 1
“ANGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH…!”

Searching/Yearning:
People will often find themselves acutely missing the pet that is gone.
(pas makan, duh, biasanya kalo lagi makan siang gini teh ada Bu Wida yang ngajakin makan atau ngajakin beli pepes ayam enak di Akhsan dan suka pundung kalo ga ada yang nyaut, ada Bu Isna yang hobi bagi-bagi makanan dan kita yang duduk mengerubungi beliau minta dikasi makan, nggak lupa ada Pak Ayi yang jadi dekomposer )
Individuals in this phase can be pre-occupied with thoughts of the deceased; they may have dreams about the pet that is gone.
(setelah siang itu kita nangis-nangisan, malemnya ASLI gabisa tidur, mikirin how would it be without you guys… dan nangis lagi malem-malem…nangis-nangis ronde 2)
Reactions experienced may also include sensing that one sees or hears the pet outside their home. Feelings commonly experienced are intense pining, sadness, fear, anger, relief, irritability, guilt and yearning. Sometimes anger is not directed at the loss, but instead towards a family member, veterinarian, self or God.
(nah, saya marah sama ‘those people’, yang bahkan sulit sekali (bahkan tidak) mengucapkan terima kasih sudah berjuang bersama – sama selama ini, dan mengucapkan maaf kalo kalo ada salah (yang mana, banyak!)
During this period individuals may find themselves bursting into tears at unexpected times. People may also experience physical illness, pain, weight change, fatigue and change in appetite.
(tadi siang nangis lagi…uwwwhh  nangis-nangis ronde 3)

Disorganization:
During this phase individuals are beginning to live their lives without their animal companion and learning new skills. This commonly leads to feeling disorganized, as well as needing to evaluate and learn different ways of managing life (i.e. how to fill that empty spot when coming home without someone to greet you).
(there ARE, new teachers, tapi kan ga samaaaaaa??? Ga ada lagi yang bakal teriak-teriak sambil memukuli Pak Ayi dengan sandal jepit biru, Bu Isna oh Bu Isna… )

Reorganization:
People in grief forget that grief is a process and that through this process, new coping skills are learned. The pet who is gone is usually never forgotten.
(not forgetting, NEVER!)

In the case of death, most individuals never “get over” the loss.
(not getting over it, not yet, CAN’T)

However, survivors learn to live with loss. The intensity of the loss changes, and a survivor can rejoin life. One finds that they can eat and sleep. Individuals may establish new relationships with pets. Sadness and crying still occur at times, while simultaneously increased happiness will be experienced.

(Yang ini belum, belum, belum…. Belum terlewati. Belum, saya masih sedih)

So sad
So sad

Tapi mau gimana lagi
Life goes on,

But the most important thing is (seperti yang dikatakan Shaggy pada Scooby Doo saat teman-teman mereka tercerai-berai) FRIENDS NEVER QUIT!

Nb:

Punten, ituh yang penjelasan Bahasa Inggrisnya, refers to pet, alias hewan peliharaan, tapi itu cuma contoh dari Ibu Elizabeth Kubler Ross yaa. Dari tadi saya ngomongin temen-temen saya tercinta ko, bukan sejenis hewan piaraan lucu)